Foot Five is the new High Five


Hi I'm Alex. I live with a witty Yoshi named Yogos and a rare black and tan doe who calls herself Guppy.

What? What do you want?

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My Car

  • (Alex gets into her car named Tim)
  • Alex: Sup Tim!
  • Tim: Sup human!
  • Alex: Where are we going today?
  • Tim: How about we go to Walmart?
  • Alex: Okay! But why?
  • Tim: Yay Walmart! Let's go!
  • One trip inside Walmart later...
  • (Alex returns to the car)
  • Alex: Alright, I've got the dog food...
  • Tim: Dog food...
  • Alex: ...the chocodiles...
  • Tim: Gotta love them chocodiles...
  • Alex: ...the Diet Rites...
  • Tim: Mm mm mm...
  • Alex: ...the hammers...
  • Tim: Excellent...
  • Alex: ...the burlap sacks...
  • Tim: Good...good...
  • Alex: ...the loaded handguns...
  • Tim: Excellent...excellent...
  • Alex: ...the black ski masks...
  • Tim: Good...good...
  • Alex: ...and the Nutterbutters.
  • Tim: OMG yay Nutterbutters!
  • Alex: So uh Tim, why do we need the guns-
  • Tim: Let's go to the bank! Wow what a great idea Alex! I should give you a sticker!
  • Alex: What?
  • Tim: Yay banks!
  • One car ride to the bank later...
  • Alex: Tim?
  • Tim: Uh huh? (Somehow puts on ski mask)
  • Alex: Are we robbing a bank?
  • Tim: pcshhhh...what makes you say that?
  • Alex: Well are we?
  • Tim: You are a hoot and a holler Alex! I'll be right back.
  • Alex: But you're a car!
  • One bank robbery later...
  • Tim (somehow) runs out.
  • Tim: EVERYONE OUT OF THE BANK! ALEX! START THE CAR! BRING OUT THE HAPPY SNACKS!
  • Alex: You ARE the car DUMBASS!
  • Tim: oh yeah...
  • *During a car chase*
  • Alex: Thanks a lot Tim. Now I'm an accomplice!
  • *police car rams from behind*
  • Tim: *gasps* Alex?!
  • Alex: WHAT?
  • Tim: *whispers* I think that car behind us is coming on to me. Feel free to interpret that however you like. Ba dum tsss.
  • Alex: THAT'S A POLICE CAR. YOU ROBBED A BANK. OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO HIT YOU.
  • Tim: So what you're saying is.......I can sue?
  • Alex: You know what? Yes Tim. Sue him for abuse right after you ROB A BANK IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!
  • Tim: Don't be mad, but I also started a fire.
  • Alex: OF COURSE WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED.
  • to be continued...

Tagged: nightstorystorytimecarsaltimanamedtimaleximtired

I don’t think it’s normal that I don’t yell or scream, but instead make that weird unicorn noise those pink and purple unicorns make from Charlie the Unicorn, I mean, I’m not complaining, I’m just saying it’s not normal.

Tagged: charlietheunicornnightimtootired

Source: snlgifs

I accidentally pronounce the word “doughnut” as dog nut. So today when my mom asked what I wanted for breakfast, I replied, “Could you pick up some dog nuts?”
I’m grounded.

Tagged: loldoughnutthis is my fault i shouldnt tell myself how to pronounce words by the way they lookdonuts

Tagged: spongebobmemelolwhy didnt i think of this?

Guppy the puppy made friends with Kermie Worm :D

Guppy the puppy made friends with Kermie Worm :D

Tagged: jenna marbleskermie wormmajestic silver unicorntoy

One time these kids were throwing small rocks at my dogs through the fence while I was in the backyard. I got mad, so I threw a giant rock over the fence as a response, and I guess they didn’t see me because they started to freak out.

Just kidding. I never found a rock big enough.

Tagged: storiesLOLdog storiesrockswhat sorcery is this?i wanted to throw a rock at the mean kids but i didnt want a law suit

I was bored so I drew Yoshi

I was bored so I drew Yoshi

Tagged: Yoshinintendoartadorable dinosaurgamedrawing

One time, I had the song “Magic” stuck in my head. And what did do? Well, if you must know, I screamed/sang the lyrics very loudly at night, and the next thing I knew two police officers pulled up to my house with their sirens on and I’m all like, “Dammit Barry!” and hid for like 5 minutes in (no not on) my recliner, and waited. But then I got bored so I sneakily (gotta be sneaky Chaaarrrlie) checked outside and saw that three police officers pulled over this dude that may or may not have been drunk and why would it take TWO police cars and THREE policeman for ONE tipsy dude? I don’t know. Anywhoozles, I was like “Pftshishhhhhh they crazy.” And the craziest part was that they didn’t even ARREST THE GUY! I would know because I saw him drive away. They needed two police cars and three policeman to right up a ticket?! But hey, I guess that’s how life is. I think. Anyway, so that’s what happened, I looked away from the window, and continued to watch The King of Queens. The End.

Just kidding. I don’t sing.

Tagged: police pulled over a guy that wasn't even drunkstupid storyive got the magic in mepointless storyhe wasnt even arrested

Why?

Why do we say “Good morning!” As in “hello!” But “Good night” as in “Good bye”?

Tagged: things i think about before i fall asleep